Content Potentially upsetting. If you have recently lost someone close do NOT read.
This is my true story!
I stand at the window and watch as he puts his crash helmet on. I watch with excitement as he straddles the seat and pushes hard down on the kick start. The roar of the engine always makes me jump. He looks back at me with a broad smile and a wink. He revs the engine and pulls slowly away from the curb. The excitement was just the watching him, not about him going.
My tears flow freely now. I have a feeling. The same feeling I had when Granny died. An empty feeling. My throat tightens and I think I’m going to choke on the big lump that’s formed there.
‘Come back Daddy’. I whisper, but I know he won’t. He’s gone and I have a feeling.
He didn’t visit often, but when he did it always caused heartache for me. I never wanted him to leave. The others didn’t either, but I was to young to know that. They were always cheerful when he was there. I never saw them cry. I was nine and life wasn’t fair. And I had a feeling.
I wasn’t there when the police came. I can’t remember where I was but I remember being told that he’d had a crash. That’s when I knew what the feeling meant. I didn’t tell anyone,they wouldn’t have believed me anyway, why would they?
The next six months passed in a blur. School mostly I think. I hated school. I hated most things then. I just wanted to see him, but they wouldn’t let me.I hated them for that. I loved my Mummy, but I hated her for that.
Then one day she said she was taking me to see him. I was so excited I thought I would burst. We had to go to London, that’s where they had taken him all those months ago. I didn’t know how far London was but the journey took forever. I had no idea that Cheltenham and London were so far apart. I was only nine.
I wish she hadn’t taken me there. I didn’t get to see him and cuddle him and kiss him. All I got was to look at him through a window in a door, and all I saw was the back of his bandaged head and his bare shoulders. Then a nurse knelt down on the floor in front of me and cried. I remember looking up at mummy, and she smiled a reassuring smile, a smile I’d never seem before. A kind smile. Don’t get me wrong mummy was kind, but this was different.
We went for ice cream with a lady I didn’t know and they kept talking in code. When will people learn that kids understand the code.
When we got home there was a man waiting on the door step. He had motor bike leathers on just like Daddy’s, I couldn’t look at him. He handed an envelope to mummy, I knew what it was, It was a telegram. Mummy Wailed and I knew he was gone. I didn’t react, I don’t know why, not until she said the words.
‘Daddy died sweetheart’ and then I screamed and screamed and screamed.
‘No, Not my Daddy, not my Daddy’.
And that’s the day my heart broke, never to mend.